Kristin Bair O'Keeffe: Writer. Mom. Teacher. Traveler.

Stop Right There! (back in Westport, Ireland)

I took this photo in Westport, Ireland. It cracks me up.

Technorati Tags: Kristin Bair O'Keeffe, Shanghai, China, Ireland, Westport, signs

The Buxom Pirate-tess in Westport, Ireland: What Do Girls Think?

Back in May when we were in Ireland, Andrew, Tully, and I headed to Westport (a charming little town appropriately located on the west coast) for a few days of quiet time. One afternoon we went to a park that also featured a small amusement park (actually a wee amusement park with four or five rides and a bouncy castle).

The park had recently adopted a "pirate" theme for the amusement rides. "Cool," we thought. "Tully will like pirates."

Well, this (see below) was the (ONLY) pirate placed in strategic spots throughout the park.

Obviously this lovely, buxom pirate-tess provided a grand distraction for the fathers being led around by their kiddos, but what do eight-year-old girls learn from this ridiculous display?

How to be a cool pirate?

How to have a sense of adventure?

How to enjoy being different?

Or simply how to aspire to huge breasts? How to look sexy (even when you have to fight off enemies with swords)?

The sad thing was, the park is on the grounds of the home of a REAL Irish woman pirate. What an opportunity they have to inspire girls and share cool stories.

Instead...this.


Technorati Tags: Kristin Bair O'Keeffe, China, Ireland, expats, travel, Tully

Taikang Lu: Where the Trendy Hipsters Hang Out in Shanghai

Lunched today at Ginger in the trendy Taikang Lu. As always, this tangled knot of back alleys was peppered with chic Chinese and cool expats eating at the newest cafes, shopping for the hottest silk scarves, and just generally making themselves available to be seen. One of my favorite places in the city to snap photos.

Pigtails


Red Star


2 Chefs


3 Signs

Technorati Tags: Kristin Bair O'Keeffe, Shanghai, China, Taikang Lu, Ginger, trendy

How (Not) To Talk to Adoptive Families

Yesterday. Sunday. Approximately 4:00 p.m.

As usual, hot in Shanghai. Humid, steamy, boiling hot.

After Tully's nap, Andrew and I take her to the little play area in the apartment complex across the street. Despite the swarms of mosquitoes, the climbing structure here is a little better than the one at our place. Plus there's a small cafe nearby that makes good smoothies.

As we approach we see a tall Western guy and his Chinese wife hanging out with their two kids; she's quite obviously pregnant with their third. Their little girl looks to be pretty close to Tully's age. "Cool," I say to Andrew, always happy when Tully has someone to commune with.

"Hello."

"Hello."

"Hello."

"Hello."

After the round of simple greetings (during which I figure out the guy is Australian), Tully heads for the stairs of the climbing structure. I follow. Andrew stays near the slide waiting for her descent. When Tully and I reach the top of the slide, the Australian guy turns to Andrew and says, "Did you move here to adopt HER?" While he says it, he wags his thumb at Tully.

I freeze; adrenalin sets me on fire. The question, the guy's tone of voice, and the wagging of the thumb is all so...so...callous.

Tully is now sitting at the top of the slide, smiling and quietly repeating "Dada, Dada, Dada" as she readies for the big swoosh to the bottom. Though she can hear this guy's question and see his wagging thumb, she's not old enough yet to understand what's going on. But soon enough she will be.

Andrew doesn't answer the guy. I don't answer the guy. Even though we know that many Australians are much more direct than Americans and way more direct than Irish folks, we are both still stunned. My blood is pumping like crazy; I hear my heart in my ears. I'm pissed. Beyond pissed.

I stare at the guy. He's a big, ugly man who clearly moved to China and took advantage of the fact that many young, beautiful Chinese girls are more than happy to marry big, ugly men who carry fat wallets and foreign passports. His wife is young, lovely, and obviously a healthy breeder...clearly a good prize for a hairy, knobby guy at least twice her age.

Suddenly, in response to his "Did you move here to adopt HER?" I want to say, "Did you move here to adopt HER?"...meaning his wife.

But I don't. I press my lips so tightly together I don't think my mouth will ever open again. I don't want to get into the habit of engaging negatively on playgrounds, but I also need to figure out a way to deal with insensitive neanderthals (men and women) who think they can say/ask anything.

I mean, what if I walked up to a dad who was playing with his birth children on a playground and said, "Hey, how many times did you have to do your wife before she got pregnant?"

I would never do that. No one would. So why do people feel such freedom to ask very personal questions in rude ways of adoptive families?

And let me reiterate, I don't mind talking about adoption. I'm proud of our family, of Tully, of her heritage. And if someone is interested in how we came to be a family, I'm happy to engage appropriately.

Anyway, after a few more minutes of play, we headed for the cafe and the good smoothies.

Breathe.

Technorati Tags: Kristin Bair O'Keeffe, Shanghai, China, Tully, adoption, family

I'm a Writer Quirkaholic

I admit it. I'm a writer quirkaholic.

It's my new term. (Well, maybe someone else has used it before, but as of tonight, it's mine.)

When we were having our home study for Tully's adoption a few years ago, the social worker asked Andrew if I had any quirks.

(Oh, give my husband the chance to get started on my quirks...it's like opening the door to a stampeding herd of bison.)

Happy to have an attentive audience, he took the opportunity to explain that I:

1. don't share my pens
2. don't share my paper
3. do NOT lend out books (because I write in them as I read; they are part of my writing process; and I break spines, fold pages, and do other crazy things to books that other people consider sacrilegious; who would want to borrow them anyway?)
4. suffer from "writerhead" on most mornings (during which time I do not like to be spoken to, am still dreamy and happy to be so, and disappear into my office to work)
5. read all my work out loud (not in a whisper, but in a normal tone of voice, often sounding like a lunatic let out of the asylum as I ramble on and on and on)

Because of something I read earlier tonight (see Alexis Grant's blog post about Anne Lamott), I've been thinking about the writerly quirks I've developed throughout the years. Yes, they make things a little uncomfortable when I have to tell visitors they can't borrow a book during their stay (and, um, they can't even go into my office), but this is my work. I wouldn't go into my husband's office in his office building and rummage around in his stuff; I expect the same respect.

Back to the home study:

"Will you let your daughter borrow your pens?" the social worker asked after Andrew explained my quirks.

She was serious. This pen thing bugged her.

I was serious, too. "She'll have her own pens," I said. And I meant it.

But if it gets too bad, I promise, I'll go to Writer Quirkaholics Anonymous (where the spine breakers hang out).


Technorati Tags: Kristin Bair O'Keeffe, writing, quirks, adoption, Tully, home study, China

Solar Eclipse Over Shanghai: It Came, All Went Dark, No Weird Happenings (Yet)

Although folks were predicting that with the solar eclipse would come weird happenings, so far, all is just the same as it was before the eclipse. I haven't seen any dragons, heard any voices, or witnessed any spirits passing by the window.

Darn it. I was hoping for a weird happening.

Come on...I'm ready.

Hhhhmmm. Nothing.

Anyway, despite the fact that it was overcast in Shanghai (which prevented us from actually seeing the eclipse itself), it was weird and cool and fascinating to have our world suddenly go nighttime dark at 9:32 or so in the morning. As I said on Twitter during the eclipse, it felt like we were being swallowed by a dragon. Bit by bit, darker and darker. Tully was so confused that she went and got her bedtime book to read.

Here's the story of the eclipse in pictures:

We got our brochure about the eclipse, but hhhmmm, the title is translated into
English...


...but the rest of the brochure is in Chinese.


Ah, pictures help.


Then we put our glasses on...or tried to...


and finally we were prepared.


9:00ish a.m. in Shanghai / darkness starts to fall


9:15ish / darker and darker


9:39ish / until it was as dark as night


and traffic in the street looked like this...


and within minutes, the sky began to light up and day returned.

P.S. Still waiting for my weird happening...I'll let you know.

Technorati Tags: Kristin Bair O'Keeffe, Shanghai, China, solar eclipse, Tully

Solar Eclipse or Tully Eats Corn on the Cob?

Since the solar eclipse does not happen until tomorrow morning...and since it would be silly to stress out the eclipse-waiting world with news of rain in Shanghai (it was just a shower, really, just a shower)...and since I could post pictures of me sporting my super-cool eclipse-viewing glasses, but should wait until it's actually eclipse-viewing day...and since I don't want to worry anyone close to me by fretting about whether or not the eclipse-viewing glasses I bought today at Carrefour (Jinqiao) for RMB 2 are real or fake, in which case I could or could not be blind by, oh, say, 9:36 a.m. tomorrow...I've decided it will be best if I simply post pictures of Tully eating her very first ear(s) of corn.

The singular "ear" in the previous sentence became "ears" when after devouring her own piece of corn on the cob, Tully demanded mine as well (and then devoured it). The girl likes corn.

See? See? Her ear of corn AND my ear of corn.

Technorati Tags: Kristin Bair O'Keeffe, China, Shanghai, Tully, vegetables

Solar Eclipse in Shanghai: It's Coming!

On Wednesday, July 22, Shanghai will experience the longest solar eclipse in the twenty-first century. It will begin at 9:32 a.m. and will be visible in Shanghai for 5 minutes, 9 seconds. According to all reports, it will be the longest solar eclipse in 500 years.

Cool, huh?

It's even cooler that the last time a solar eclipse took place over Shanghai was on May 10, 1575 during the Ming Dynasty. The next time will not be until June 13, 2132.

Some facts about solar eclipses (borrowed from Urbanatomy Shanghai):

• A total solar eclipse happens when the moon moves between the sun and the Earth so that, for a brief time, the light of the sun appears completely blocked.
• The moon casts a cone of shadow over the earth called an umbra, where no sunlight reaches and a lighter region, the penumbra, where only some of the sunlight is blocked.
• It is an astronomical coincidence that the moon is 400 times smaller than the sun, and the sun is 400 times farther away from the Earth than the moon. So when viewed from Earth during the eclipse, they appear to be exactly the same size.
• During the Shanghai eclipse on July 22, the temperature in Shanghai will plummet by approximately ten degrees.
• The path of the eclipse will travel through India and cross through Nepal, Bangladesh, Bhutan, Myanmar and China, Japan’s Ryukyu Islands and then curve southeast through the Pacific Ocean where the maximum duration will reach 6 minutes and  39 seconds.
• It is estimated that a given spot on the Earth will be on the path of an eclipse only about once every 370 years

Of course, I didn't start looking for eclipse-viewing glasses until today so I've had to scramble to find some. (Well, okay, I did the mad scramble on the Internet to find out which stores were carrying them, but I sent Mr. Chen, my driver, to each store. It was almost 110 degrees in Shanghai today...there was no way I was traipsing around looking for glasses. So far, no luck, but I think we've found a supplier. Fingers crossed.)

I've also been trying to figure out the best way to get cool photographs of the eclipse. Found a great guide at Eclipse Chasers.

Stay tuned. I'll be Twittering live during the event and posting photos (hopefully) soon thereafter.

Technorati Tags: Kristin Bair O'Keeffe, Shanghai, solar eclipse, China, 2009

E's Bossy Gramma: China Culture Clash

Tully has a Chinese friend in our building. Let's call her E. E is two years old, about six months older than Tully. Like a lot of Chinese kids of the 1-child per family generation, E is cared for mostly by her grandparents, and in E's case, mostly by her grandmother. And this grandmother, while very loving, is also very, um, bossy. With E, and with me and Tully.

I first noticed her bossiness about seven months ago in the playroom of our apartment building. E was into blowing raspberries, and I--being rather childlike myself--began blowing them back at her. This went on for a while...a friendly exchange during which E was giggling wildly.

Suddenly, I got slapped on the arm. Hard.

Like, really slapped.

I whipped around, thinking one of the older kids in the playroom was getting overexcited.

But no, it was E's gramma, and she was poised to strike again and shaking her head wildly. She slapped me again (just in case I didn't feel the first stinging blow).

Clearly E was not allowed to blow raspberries. Clearly I was not either.

Out of respect for others' parenting methods (and self-protection), I stopped blowing raspberries, and throughout the next few weeks until E's gramma had successfully stopped this abominable behavior (or like most kids, E just grew out of it and found new ways to entertain herself), I resisted the temptation to play the game whenever E tried to engage me.

No way was I getting slapped again.

But then tonight Andrew, Tully, and I were returning home after our usual Friday night ice cream adventure at the Belgian chocolateer on Wulumuqi Road. E and her gramma were in the lobby, and we stopped to chat. Andrew wandered off, understandably wary of the gramma, so holding Tully, I exchanged some how-do-you-dos and a conversation about swimming with E's gramma.

While chatting, I realized two things:

1. Tully was sucking on a couple of fingers of her right hand. I think she's starting to get her 2-year molars and has been doing this off and on for a few days.
2. E's gramma was yanking Tully's fingers out of her mouth every time Tully put them in. Not pulling, but yanking them out, clearly giving the message that this was unacceptable behavior (much like blowing raspberries).

Within seconds, I experienced my usual flurry of responses:

1. annoyance -- leave my daughter alone; I have no problem with her sucking on her fingers and even if I did, it's not your place to address it
2. wonder -- who does this? actively reprimands someone else's child over and over again while the parent is holding her?
3. cultural frustration -- this wouldn't happen at home in the U.S.; yes, some gramma might complain at her own dinner table about the terrible mother she met at the library who let her daughter gnaw on her fingers, but she wouldn't pull Tully's fingers from her mouth herself

So what did I do?

I chatted a bit, conscious that I was studying E's gramma's behavior...seeing how many times she would pull Tully's fingers from her mouth (over 15 times). Then I said good night and headed for the elevator. Sure, I could have made it more obvious that I was annoyed and that I didn't appreciate her reprimands, but E's gramma is a dominant force in the playroom AND she's actually very warm to Tully. Not worth it, I decided.

Technorati Tags: Kristin Bair O'Keeffe, China, culture clash, Tully

What Does a Chicken Say?

Bock.

Bock.

Bock.

And as of today, Tully can tell you.

"Tull," I said during dinner, "what does a chicken say?"

(Usually at this point she gets distracted or accidentally tells me what a cow says--"mmmm"--or what a sheep says--"bbbaaaa"--or what a horse says--"neigh.")

But today she looked me in the eye and said, "Bock."

Then she smiled.

And I smiled.

And the two of us made chicken noises during the rest of dinner. (I'm a very good chicken.)

* * *

In unrelated news, here are two of Tully's dearest pals. The sheep is Uncle Wayne; the plastic girl is Sylvia.

Technorati Tags: Kristin Bair O'Keeffe, Tully, toys, China