Kristin Bair O'Keeffe: Writer. Mom. Teacher. Traveler.

Me & the Panda in Chengdu

A few years ago I headed to Chengdu, China, to commune with the pandas. For a ridiculous fee, you could get your photo taken with one. I've got a thing about pandas so I stood in the photo line FOREVER behind the other 1.4 billion people who inhabit China. Just as I got behind the panda and set my hand on his back, the lady in charge stepped close to me and said something like, "When pandas get tired, they can attack." Then she stepped away.

Here's me and the panda:

HO HO HO...FA LA LA LA LA!!!

See?

Told ya I'd get to the fa la la'ing!

To be honest, it is not nearly as easy to get into the Christmas spirit in Shanghai as it is back home in the U.S. or Ireland, but we do our best.

Here, in our buzzing Asian metropolis, the fancy hotels decorate their lobbies, Nanjing Road sports a GIGANTIC gold Christmas tree (and a weird GIGANTIC gold rose...related?), I heard Bruce Springsteen singing "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" at my favorite coffee shop, and I can even buy poinsettias on most street corners...see?

A few weeks ago, Tully sat on Santa's lap and was given a really cool (gender neutral) medical kit that has introduced into our home the daily ritual of taking everyone's blood pressure (including McGillicutty the Gorilla).

And we've partied and frolicked at a variety of Christmas parties...

But the thing that FINALLY stirred up the Christmas spirit in me?

Making peanut blossom cookies! A tradition in our family...and my favorite cookie.

(Of course, our family tradition has never included baking the cookies with an amazingly competent, incredibly sweet Filipina ayi...and then having someone to clean up the mess...but some changes to tradition are welcome, right?)

So Merry Christmas, world!

Or as we say in Shanghai, Sheng dan kuai le!

They Freed the Plum Pudding!!!!!

Last week, my husband and I got word that our family in Ireland had sent the annual Christmas basket of goodies, including, of course, plum pudding! Whoo-hoo!!!!

Then we got word that the Customs Dept in China was holding it for investigation.

Boo! Boo! (the crowd goes mad!)

And THEN we got word that they weren't going to release it until...what?

• First, an investigation into the contents. (cookies, brandy butter, plum pudding, Christmas cake...yum)

• Second, completion of an official (rather lengthy) form...in Chinese. (Shout out to the secretary at my husband's office for filling it in for us!)

• Third, cash. (Yup, knew that one was coming, didn't ya?)

So, after the Customs folks cracked open the beautiful box in which the goods were packed (and I mean cracked!), studied the contents, received the form, and yup, palmed the cash, we got the goods delivered!

So a big thanks to everyone in Ireland. Makes China feel a little homier at the holidays.

Here's a little peek...

 

Boys Against the Girls: Toy Store Triumphs in Gender Petrification

As a mom to an almost 2-year-old daughter, I think a lot about how to raise a strong, independent, adventurous, curious, self-assured, creative, loving, smart girl who will eventually become a woman. I think about my choices, my actions, my words...because I know from experience that that is how I learned the most from my mom...by watching, absorbing, listening, feeling.

Even though Tully is just 22.5 months old, I know already that raising a strong, independent, adventurous, curious, self-assured, creative, loving, smart daughter is not going to be easy. I watch my sister and friends and strangers doing their best with it...sometimes succeeding beautifully and other times falling flat on their faces.

I'm sure I will do the same.

But last weekend, I witnessed something that reminded me that the world isn't always supportive of my goal to raise a strong, independent, adventurous, curious, self-assured, creative, loving, smart daughter. In fact, in some ways, it may even be fighting me on this goal.

What prompted all this?

I went Christmas shopping at Toys R Us in Shanghai.

In the "Girls" area of the store, this is what I saw:

In the "Boys" area of the store, this is what I saw:

Um, HELLO?????? How am I supposed to raise a strong, independent, adventurous, curious, self-assured, creative, loving, smart daughter when the entire "Girls" area of the store is hot pink and filled with ironing boards, washing machines, dolls, and cooking sets? While the "Boys" area of the store (aka "Action and Adventure") is filled with action- and adventure-related toys? Cool stuff.

Why is this wrong?

Because pigeon-holing girls into this "pink, house-wifey" role shapes their self-images, their imaginations, and their ability to consider all the crazy, wonderful, innovative possibilities for their lives. While many toys encourage boys to imagine themselves as swashbuckling explorers or inventors, many toys encourage girls to imagine themselves as...as...house tenders. How is that fair? (And no, readers, I don't think that tending a house is a bad thing. It's an important part of how we manage our lives...and anyone who can run a household deserves respect...male or female. But come on...girls need as much of a chance to dream about their lives as boys.)

And to turn the situation on its head, what about little boys who want a washing machine from Santa? Boys who think it's fun to wash clothes? How will they feel when they open a pink washing machine in a box marked "Girls Only" (see top left corner of box in photo above)? I mean, if a toy store MUST sell a washing machine for kids, why not sell a cool, silvery blue one in a gender-neutral part of the store set up to make both boys and girls feel comfortable?

Boys or girls...this kind of stereotypical gender marketing doesn't work for anyone.

I shouldn't be shocked at this, right? I've been in Toys R Us before; I've seen the differences between the "Girls" section and the "Boys" section. I'm not clueless to the fact that this kind of gender petrification goes on. But this is the first year that I've really shop-shopped for Christmas presents for Tully. Last year she was a baby; Santa brought rubber-bottomed socks, books, and stuffed animals.

But I am shocked. And irked. How long are we going to nurture girls in this traditional housecleaning, button-sewing, soup-stirring role? (Don't even get me started on the princess myth...)

Gggggrrrrrr...

Of course, I had to laugh because at first my husband thought this was a "China" thing. That only toy stores in China were marketing toys this way.

He couldn't believe (and still isn't quite convinced, I suspect) that this kind of "pink, housewifey marketing" goes on in toy stores in the U.S. as well. (After all, many of the toys in Shanghai's Toys R Us are intended for the U.S. market...there's not even any Chinese writing on much of the packaging. All English.)

The thing that irks me even further is that we (the West) are teaching the Chinese about gender petrification and "pink, housewifey marketing." Although China has a long tradition of assigning value to boys and girls in significant ways, it is still in its infancy stage of consumerism and is not yet a "stuff" culture. The segment of the population with extra cash for toys from fancy stores like Toys R Us is small but growing rapidly. These folks are hungry for the "stuff" we "rich" folks from the West have...like pink washing machines marked "Girls Only" for our daughters. (Ironically, the majority of people in China don't even have a washing machine in their home.) And we, being the great leaders of consumption that we are, are showing them how it's done.

What I want to know is, when the heck will it be done differently? In China or the U.S.? Anywhere?

* * *

Related Article in The Guardian: The Power of Pink

Confession: I Bought a Pirated Book in China

Two days ago, the "pirated book" woman was on our corner. She's often there alongside the flower lady 
and the orange seller, with a suitcase of pirated books propped open on the back of her scooter.

Usually I walk right by. The "copy culture" in China makes me nuts. You can buy a copy of ANYTHING here: Rolex watches, Gucci bags, Jimmy Choo shoes, movies, iPhones, computers, cutlery, toys, wallets, pearls, strollers...ANYTHING. I swear sometimes I think I'm going to walk into a market and discover a copy of myself on sale for RMB 5 (about 60 cents).

Anyway, two days ago curiosity got the better of me. As I walked past the suitcase, a well-dressed, English-speaking Chinese man was picking through the books.

"She has everything," he said when he caught my eye. Dan Brown and Stephanie Meyer were on top of the pile. "Have to help keep the poor folks fed," he said, handing over his money.

So I stopped, looked through the piles of books, and bought a pirated copy of Elizabeth Gilbert's Stern Men. (Sorry, Elizabeth!)

What did I pay for a pirated copy of Elizabeth Gilbert's Stern Men?

RMB 15  = $2.20

This was a much higher price than the Chinese guy had paid for his book, but I expected that. I'm a laowai (foreigner) and all prices start higher for foreigners. Sure, I could have bargained the woman down and gotten the book for less than $1. After all we bargain for most everything in China: clothes dryers, flowers, furniture, etc. But honestly, I felt too damn guilty to bargain. I'm an author; I believe in protecting intellectual property; I discourage other laowais from doing exactly what I was doing.

But like I said, I was curious, and I knew this was a one-off. So without a word, I coughed up my RMB 15, hid the book in my jacket, ducked my head, and headed home. 

Once in the safety of my apartment, I checked out the book. It's a
copy of a Penguin edition, and the only difference I can find between the copy and an original is that on the back of the book above the ISBN #, there are six Chinese characters. I can only read one of them so I don't know what it says. Other than that, the paper is a decent stock, the jacket copy doesn't have any misspellings, and the pages are numbered correctly.

Will I read it?

Probably not. It just feels wrong.

Corpse

Yesterday I saw a dead man in Shanghai. On the street just a block away from my apartment. Minutes before I drove past in our minivan, he'd been knocked from his scooter by a car. The scooter was mangled...almost unrecognizable. Just a bunch of metal pieces scrambled on the road. Everything but the handlebars...I don't know where they'd landed.

The car that had hit the man must have been flying. But all cars here fly. Driving is a relatively new phenomenon in China and few do it well, consciously, or with care. There is no right of way for pedestrians and they (we) are at the mercy of every wheeled vehicle in Shanghai. No one wears a seat belt, uses a car seat for a child, or dons a helmet. People drive backwards on the highway when they've missed an exit, zigzag between lanes as if they don't exist, pull over for a piss when there's no shoulder, and drive at Indy 500 speeds. It is a ridiculous free-for-all.

The police had gotten to the scene and were trying to direct traffic. But everyone was slowing for a look at the corpse--cars, buses, scooters, bicycles, and pedestrians. All gawking and clogging up the already clogged-up road.

When we first saw the man, my driver Mr. C made a small noise in his throat and caught my eye in the rear-view mirror. Though I suspect he's used to seeing this kind of thing, he knows I never will be.

The dead man?

He looked rather peaceful despite the chaos around him. He was lying on his back with his left hand on his chest and his right arm stretched straight out as if saying, "Go that way."

"Why don't they cover him?" I said in English. Then to Mr. C, "Youguai." Turn right. I didn't want to pass any closer to the man than we had to. The guy had enough of an audience.

How to Launch a Debut Novel (in the U.S.) from Shanghai, China

I'm a member of small club...the "I Live In China And My First Novel Is Being Published Halfway Around The World In The U.S. So I Need To Figure Out And Put Into Action Really Kick-Ass Marketing Strategies That Work From A Distance" club (Acronym? ILCMFNIBPHAWITUSINTFOPIARKAMSTWFD) There aren't many members in this club, but I've always liked doing things a little differently than others. Here's the scoop on what I've figured out so far...

Facts:

• My first novel THIRSTY is being published on October 1. (Yep, just three weeks from now!)
• THIRSTY is being published in the United States.
• I live in Shanghai, China. (I'm an American.)

Challenges:

• Blocked: The "powers that be" here in China control the Internet in interesting and challenging ways. For instance, they block many websites to which I need access: my own websites for THIRSTY and me, Twitter, Facebook, my blog, YouTube, many writer-related sites, etc. This, as you can imagine, makes life difficult considering that the way I try to reach readers and would-be readers is via these sites.

• Time Zones: Shanghai is twelve hours ahead of the east coast in the U.S. When it is 9:00 a.m. in New York or Boston, it is 9:00 p.m. in Shanghai. If I need to talk to my publicist or a bookstore events coordinator, I have to stay awake and alert until at least 10:00 p.m....often later.

• Delay in Responses: The difference in time zones means that if I send a question to my editor or publicist or website designer or anyone else via email, I often have to wait an entire day to get a response...because my morning is the U.S.'s night...and vice versa. This often means a short delay in being able to move forward on a project.

• Communication: Once you live halfway around the world in China, you find that communicating with folks back home isn't all THAT hard. Skype is convenient and affordable. I buy cheap phone cards that allow me to call the U.S. for pennies a minute. iChat and other video conferencing tools allow visual meetings, etc. BUT folks back home who don't often use these tools think it's impossible to communicate easily with someone in China. Thus...in some situations, I'm (warmly) ignored. (That's when I jump up and down and holler, "Hey, hey, look at me! I'm here, too.

• Books in English: I like to read novels that are similar to mine in some way...the ones that are getting reviewed in newspapers and blogs, the ones that grab the public's attention for one reason or another. In addition to the pleasure of reading them, I like to see how they're packaged, marketed, received, and reviewed. I learn from them. Oh, we've got lots of books in English in Shanghai, but usually not the ones I need. And the ones we do have are VERY expensive. (A few weeks ago, I paid $33 for a Wally Lamb paperback.)

• Jetlag: On September 18, I'm heading home for the launch of THIRSTY. Though I'd like to say I'll be able to dive right into the work that needs to be done, I know that jetlag will dull my senses and inhibit my ability to produce good work.

• Loneliness: Ever hear that song, "Here I sit like a bird in the wilderness...bird in the wilderness...bird in the wilderness?" Well, that's how I sometimes feel (albeit in an urban jungle)...isolated from others in the industry. I do my best to stay in close contact, but the truth is, I live in China.

• Community: If I were living back home, I'd have more opportunities to grow my writing community (teaching at conferences, attending industry events, getting involved with local groups, etc.).

Solutions:

• Blocked: I use various "workaround" sites to access the sites from which I am blocked. Some days, one workaround site works and I get access; other days, it does not. I never know what access I'm going to have when I wake up. (Have I mentioned how smart and tech-savvy the "powers that be" are?)

• Time Zones: I stay up late and get up early. If don't feel like talking at midnight but have to, I chug a Diet Coke, jog in place, do jumping jacks...whatever it takes to nudge (shake) me out of sleepiness and into work mode.

• Delay in Responses: I practice patience. Usually when I get something in my craw, I need to move on it immediately. Chop-chop. But while living in China and working in the U.S., I don't have that option. So while I wait for a response about one aspect of a project, I work on something else. I've become a pretty good multi-tasker. (The patience? Always working on it.)

• Communication: I use communication tools as often as possible with contacts in the U.S. The more you use them, the smaller the world feels. "You're calling me on Skype?" people say when I tell them. "You sound like you're right next door." (The other response I often get is, "What's Skype?" Hhhmmm...)

• Books in English: Again, patience. I use Amazon a lot (much to my husband's dismay), but it is wildly expensive and unbearably slow. A Kindle is on my list of "things to buy in the U.S."

• Jetlag: I haven't planned any events or work for the five days following my arrival in the U.S. This may change, but right now, I'll be doing little but getting myself and my nineteen-month-old daughter through the jetlag. (Wish me luck.)

• Loneliness: I have an awesome writerly support network in the United States. Friends and writing colleagues who step up again and again (especially the most amazing Writer Mama, Christina Katz). If I can't reach a particular website that I really need/want to read, they'll send an archived file of it. If I need someone's contact info, a friend tracks it down and sends it. They rock! I've forced myself to get over the "Oh, no, I don't want to put you out" response. If someone offers help, I accept. If I need help, I ask. (And I know that what goes around, comes around. I repay in kind whenever possible.)

• Community: I get involved in as many writing-related events here in China as possible. I curate and host a reading series for local writers (Out Loud! The Shanghai Writers Literary Salon) and I volunteer for the most amazing Shanghai International Literary Festival that takes place every March. I also have a wonderful writing group here and lots of supportive writer friends.

So that's it in a nutshell. If you read this and you're thinking, "What in the world can I do to help Kristin Bair O'Keeffe spread the word about THIRSTY?" I've got a few friendly suggestions:

1. Buy THIRSTY. (It's available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Swallow Press, and many local bookstores.)
2. Have me write a guest post on your blog. (Just send me an email and ask! Easy peasy! You can catch me at kristin[at]kristinbairokeeffe[dot]com.)
3. Interview me for your blog. (I can call you on Skype or send email responses from a different time zone.)
4. Share THIRSTY with friends, family, and readers. (Great gift idea!)
5. Come to my readings/signings in the U.S. in September and October. (I'd love to see you in person. See EVENTS calendar.)
6. Ask me to meet with your writing group or book club while I'm in the U.S. (I'll be in New England, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, and hopefully Chicago, and I love talking about writing and publishing.)
7. Find a cure for jetlag. (You'll make millions!)
8. Friend me on Facebook.
9. Follow me on Twitter.
10. Go to YouTube. Watch the book trailer for THIRSTY. Fall in love with the trailer and the book. Share it with friends and family. Rate it. (um, preferably lots of stars)
11. And the eleventh way you can help me spread the word about THIRSTY is to comment on this blog entry. (See...see...look down a little. There's a comment button right there. Yep, yep, that's the one.)

That's all for now from the headquarters of ILCMFNIBPHAWITUSINTFOPIARKAMSTWFD.

Zai jian!

Funniest Miscommunication in China...Ever

I've lived in Shanghai, China, for nearly four years, and during that time, I've had some hilarious miscommunications.

But today...today...topped them all.

At around 1:00, I took the business card of the hair salon I use here out of my desk drawer and called the number to make an appointment to get a haircut.

After greeting me, the girl who answered the phone said (in English), "Please call our other number. This is our sex line."

Sex line?

Huh?

I took the phone away from my ear and stared at it. Then I looked at the business card, turned it over to make sure I had the right one.

I did.

"Excuse me?" I said. "Is this ____________?"

"Yes," the girl answered. "But please call our other number. This is our sex line."

Sex line? What was going on?

I thought back to the haircuts I'd had at this place over the past year, trying to remember out if I'd ever suspected it was the kind of hair salon that offered additional services as well. I didn't think so, but in China, you never know what services are just around the corner.

I tried again.

"Can I make an appointment for a haircut with ______?" I asked.

"Yes," the girl said (she was getting a little annoyed), "but please call our other number. This is our sex line."

I stared at the card. What was I missing?

Then it hit me. I'd dialed the wrong number.

"Oh," I said, "this is your FAX line."

And that ended our conversation.

(Note: I'm pretty sure  I say a gazillion inappropriate things in Mandarin to people all over Shanghai. The use of tones makes Mandarin a very challenging language. It was so nice to have someone make a similar misstep in English.)

Park Rules in Shanghai: Once Again, Lost in Translation

Although there are a number of quaint, flower-filled parks in Shanghai, all come with some very strict rules. Some of those rules (like no firearms) make perfect sense. Others (like no "ball games or kite-flying") make no sense at all (at least from my obviously Western perspective). Then there are the rules that get a bit lost in translation: (But who am I to judge? After all, no one in any park in any country should "urinate or shit" or engage in "activities of feudalistic or superstitious nature," right?) Decide for yourself:

Ugh. Grr. Grumble. I'm Blocked Again.

My wonderfully efficient "online assistant" who shall remain nameless--the one who allowed me to scale the great wall of Internet censorship and blockage--has gone kaput, and as of yesterday, I no longer can access Twitter, Facebook, or YouTube.

Ah, life in China.

Hello?

Hello?

Anybody out there?

Once again the great thumb has pressed down upon me and proved its ever-present strength. (Squaaaash!)

But I ate my spinach today and I am working on hiring a new "online assistant" who will help me once again commune with friends, fans, family, and folks I don't know.

Stay tuned!